Thursday, August 25, 2011

Every Tear Drop is a Waterfall

Dear Matthew-Magoo and Lily-Bean,

There is a God.  I know this because of a long life filled with many answered prayers.  I wouldn't have enough room in this blog to write all the prayers God has answered in my life, but here I write the two when you came into our lives.

First.  Matthew.  I walked in to the Operating Room and the nurse flipped on the lights and there it was in the center of the room - a cold metal table fashioned in the shape of a crucifix!  The nurse told me to "just hop up onto that table" and I remember thinking, "I'm going to die up there on that table"!  Seriously, I did believe I was going to die.  And I am sure I shared this thought of death during childbirth with most every Mom across the ages.  But  obediently, like a lamb to the slaughter, I hopped up onto the table just as requested, terrified of what would come next.  And so I prayed a pitiful prayer in that moment sitting atop that cold metal table, "God where are you?  I'm scared.  Please be here with me and this child."  In that same moment, I looked up and I saw a familiar face - it was Dr. S.  She gave me a huge hug (to help me bend over for the needle behind me) and there down inside her scrubs, I saw it - a gleaming golden cross hanging on a golden chain alongside her wedding band.  God answered me. He was there all along.  But answering that prayer and showing me where He was washed a peace over me that I have only felt one other time.  And I'm sure you know the rest of the story.  Matthew, you came safely into this world, and no, I didn't die that day.

Second.  Lily, but not least.  Four years later, I was wheeled into that OR again and it was still there - that cold metal table!  This time the nurses helped lift me up on the table (which was good, because I wouldn't have complied if asked a second time).  Again, I felt like a lamb to the slaughter and was even more terrified of dying this time and leaving Matthew and you without a Mother.  Dr. S came in again but had to leave to check on another patient.  In walks the anesthesiologist and now I know the needle is coming next and I'm terrified there will be no-one to hold me this time as they stab me in the back.  And so I pleaded, "God, where are you?".  And in that moment, Dr. C walks in and asks me if I have my iPod.  "My iPod?", I replied confused.  "Yes, your iPod", she said explaining that many mothers bring theirs as part of their birth plan.  Gosh, I wish I had known that before.  So instead she asks for a radio station I'd like, but I was too terrified for my brain to work right to respond with a choice.  So she says she'll pick something for me. Of all the songs, she picked my favorite song.  And in that moment, I knew God was there with us, playing Mommy's favorite song.  That's the second time I felt that great peace.  And no, I didn't die that day either and Lily, you came into this world, safe and sound just like your brother.

So those are my stories of when you both came into this world and when God answered my prayers.


P.S.  A video here for you Lily and Matthew!

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